Why am I defeated again and again!!

Damm why can I just defeat it.I said I wont be defeated by it again during the last time I was defeated.Why did I get defeated again.Why!!!Why!!! I need strenght to overcome it,I must not let it defeat me again but will it happend?It did before but why not this time.AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cant take it anymore!!!!I am going to defeat it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IKEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!